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Monday, January 1, 2018

Morning Journal, it's about 9:30am on 1/1/2018. Made it another year. We're supose to go over to Sage's Grandma's house but I don't see it happening today - the roads are bad from the snow and slid through a stop sign last night. Not two weeks previously I was driving out of North Med to turn right onto Taft when I skidded in the slush and ice, richochet off a truck and into the back of a 2018 BMW. Lost the passenger mirror and a dent in the back passenger side door. This would mark the first time an accident would be written down as being my fault. I normally enjoy watching the ball drop to ring in the New Year but it felt empty this year. Alot of stuff happened that didn't need to happen this year - Trump becoming President and giving the world the finger, lead guitarist for AC/DC passed away, the accident that I'm probably going to have to pay for, and the constant struggles between Sage and I. We'd actually discussed divorce for the first time in a couple of years. More so she could go be a mother to children that aren't hers that were fathered by her ex to give his ex the finger. I don't mind as much I guess since we have an open marriage - they started doing their thing online and Sage's supose to be heading out that way in May for a convention anyway, leaving me and her brother to our devices for a week. I caught part of conversation while I was sitting there on the bed watching TV that he wanted her to move out there to be there for his kid since Sage had done that before I moved here, and afterwards she assured me she still wanted to move to Japan. Japan. I joke that if I ever move there I'd get in trouble with the ladies, but the truth of the matter is I see it as an exit. An exit to change the scenery, an exit to leave Trump's America, an exit to do something new and exciting. In researching Japan we've found that while people do commit suicide and murders do happen, Japan is one of two of the worlds safest countries. We'd been studying several YouTubers who either toured Japan for it's food or just walk around, and came to the conclusion that we were going to do both: start a livestream where we walked around AND toured food. The only problems we've come across in terms of that is where to stream - YouTube is recognised everywhere but if they don't like what you're streaming, they'll cut your stream without telling you. On the flip side, Twitch's IRL section let's you have more freedom in what you're posting, but isn't as recognised since Twitch is mainly a gamer site. I've come up with a list of equipment we'll need to be able to visit these places and do it all live. We even went as far as to pick out a house that we both agree on. However: everything rides on one factor and that's being a pain in the ass at the moment. Sage found a law firm in Kyoto that said if she got her Paralegal degree, they'd hire her on the spot. Something about shortages in english-speaking lawyers for international stuff, so she went and applied for Liberty College and financial aid is being a pain. According to them, they never got paid back from when she was given money for ITT Tech, but ITT Tech lost their creditation and went out of business across the USA, but these people seem adamant of showing they don't care. It's caused Sage to rethink her entire process because now she has to come up with a backup plan incase she isn't able to secure financial aid. It would shoot our plans to shit because we wouldn't be able to get in to Japan, set up in the house we want, or get the equipment we need. I admit my reactions have been to her reactions and they haven't been positive, it normally leads to an argument and me either leaving the room or Sage going into a seizure. It was never my intention to cause her such harm, but in the end that's all I ever do. I was going through my own rough patches and thought that taking care of someone else would get me out of my rut and we'd help each other out. Sage says she remembers I use to be that person in the begining - caring, willing to do for her, willing to be with her when she needs or wants me. I've attempted to try to remember what that was like or try to force change on my part, only to make situations worse. It's no wonder we're at this point again. I'm going to end this entry here, I need to go wake up Sage and see what she wants to do about her Grandma's, -Matt

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